Why We Need Win-Win Situations and How to Create Them
A win-win situation is a situation where none of the participants lose; all people involved benefit. This can be through compromise or cooperation and can be used in business, organization, and personal relationships. Instead of using domination and egoistic behavior, we look for cooperation, caring, and group success in win-win games.
In Spiral Dynamics, this correlates in the difference between the Red level (egocentric, aggressive) and Green level (community, human relations, equality). One of the good things about the win-win game is that it gives people confidence and bonds people, something we need now in times when identity politics is used so much, and we are literally isolated personally and socially because of COVID-19.
Win-win seeks the balance between selfish interaction and a selfless interaction. With this mindset, you look and try to meet the other’s needs and the needs of yourself. You try to meet your goals, and you help others to achieve their goal. The positive thing about this is that you will build strong and positive relationships, which can last a long time, leading to even more success.
Negotiation is not about figuring out who is right or wrong. It is about getting the parties involved to agree to embrace the other party’s perspective.
Elizabeth Suarez
How to start
To create a win-win situation, you have to develop the right attitude, not try to win no matter what, not give in and count yourself out, or even worse, be in a lose-lose mindset. The focus should not be on defeating each other, but on defeating the challenge so that everyone benefits. The first thing is to be aware of your mindset and become aware of what you want of an interaction and what the other one exactly wants. To successfully create a win-win situation, communication must be clear and open to ensure the goals to be achieved are clear. Do not make assumptions and make sure there are no misunderstandings. You need to understand the other person and their perspective fully. If these goals are clear, then it is possible to balance your needs with the other person´s needs.
To make sure communication is clear, there are some steps to take. First, it is good to start by reflecting on each other’s wishes. This makes sure that both have a good understanding and show that you can listen and understand the other´s perspective. Second, validate what the other is saying. By validating, you acknowledge what the other states, which is another thing, then agreeing, and it will make the other feel safe and understood. The third and last step is empathizing; this is recognition of the other on an emotional level; this way, both parties will feel good and will put the minds in looking for a win-win.
How to solve
Having the right mindset is a start but doesn´t necessarily solve anything yet. The next step is to look for common grounds. Look at the challenge from different perspectives and try to find common and unifying goals. If these common goals are found, it will be easier to reach a consensus on this. This probably will bring the function and discussion level higher, which also helps in resolving problems. In taking it a level higher, you prevent that the issue is taken on a personal level and that the other individual feels attacked on a personal level and not the level of the issue at hand. Resolving issues when someone feels personally attacked is much harder than when the ideas are on a higher level, and it will be easier to find common solutions and compromise. Use first-person plural pronouns (We, our) instead of You and I. It will make the tone of the discussion different and will highlight the mutual benefit. Presenting multiple proposals can help you discover where the other party’s preferences are, and another effect is that the other party will not feel pinned down to only one solution. When a solution has been reached, it is good to write this down. Write it down like an action plan and make clear for what the steps and actions parties are responsible for. It will keep things clear and make each party accountable.
What is in it for you?
When you are able to find or create win-win situations, you will find that there are more benefits in it for you. You will see that you will have fewer conflicts, less stress, more comfortable, and longer-lasting collaborative relations. You will be more highly regarded, as a team member, as a business partner, as a leader, or in your personal relationship. And that is a win for you and a win for the people around you!
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